How do you know it works?

My favorite story is about a fellow I’ll call John.  John was a member of one of the Total Quality organizations I belonged to a number of years ago.  This was before I’d developed the whole Want-ology® package (that continues to evolve).

A number of years ago, I wound up in the Total Quality Transformation business as part of my livelihood path.  It totally fit (from my perspective) what I was about: Systems and shifts and transformations–and making things work.  

So I developed the core that is now “Want-ology®” to help companies figure out what to focus on in their quality efforts (which was not necessarily what they had been told they were supposed to do), and how to measure the effects to see if they were REALLY getting the results they wanted.  These efforts are usually really expensive and painful, and if they don’t get you a good result, you’ve just wasted LOTS of money.  They usually start out with a solution like, “Implement a TQM program.”  And the consultants get rich but frustrated, and the companies often go into the red before they go back to business as usual, or just auger in.

I was teaching the seminar to a public group of quality professionals, and John was in the audience. Since the people there worked for different companies, they didn’t want to expose their business problems directly.  So I gave them the option of using an example from their personal life.  

John did. 

When I asked that they come up with a Want statement, John said “I want to keep my job.”  Interesting.  So we moved through the very short set of questions.  

And suddenly, he couldn’t contain himself.  He said, “I said I wanted to keep my job.  I really need the money.  And jobs in quality are really tough to come by.” (Did I mention we were in a previous recession at the time?) 

John continued. “But everything I love about my current job is going away.  The bank I work for has just been bought by a different bank, and they are moving their people into the front-lines.  What I love about my job is the customer contact, working with the staff to make thing better for customer service, and really seeing the results and the difference we’re making.

“If I keep my job, they’ll move me to the back office, and all I’ll ever do is deal with routine problems and the computerized systems.  They have their own quality staff, and I’m not on it.”

So I’d made my point…the first thing we ask for is not necessarily what we really want.  But how to help John? We talked a bit more about how to get clear about what he really wanted, and how to know when he got it, and a few other things that I thought might help.  I was dejected…wished I could have done more. 

Fast forward to the first Statewide Quality Initiative conference in the region about six months later.  I attended.  And I thought I recognized one of the people on the stage.  It was John.  I was looking to congratulate him, when he caught up to me at the morning break.  

“I’m so glad to see you!” he said.  

“John, I’m so glad you’re involved in this. It looks very exciting, and right up your alley.”

He said, “I know.  And I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t been in your seminar that day.  I realized that I couldn’t stay in that bank job.  When I realized, and said out loud, what was important to me, it was like the light went on!  I called a colleague of mine who was in a similar situation, and we went to the governor’s office and pitched this idea.  So we just founded the State Quality Initiative and we are having a blast. I’m on it as a full-time officer.  It’s so exciting.  I’m working with people at all levels and getting to make such a difference businesses in the region…and to the whole state. I’m going to the National Quality conference next month.  So, thank you!”

I can’t take credit for what John did after he left the seminar.  He was awesome.  But I am so proud and glad that the questions that became Want-ology® got him unstuck, refocused and launched.

That was MY aha to go deeper, and fully develop Want-ology® for people.  Different versions of this story, some not as flashy, but equally personally profound, happen out of every workshop, and many Want-ology® engagements.

Thank you John, for helping me see how I could make a bigger difference.

 

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Why is Want-ology® different?

I’ve been asked a lot about “what makes Want-ology® different from everything else?  What’s so special?”  I could answer a lot of ways.  There are many things that make it different…and for many people, profoundly effective in getting unstuck and finding their path forward.  

It’s a system and it’s specifically designed to help you make a shift in your life.  I know, because it has helped me, repeatedly, make shifts in my life.

I always wanted an exciting life.  I didn’t want it to be boring, or mundane or to do things because they were “expected.”  And I wanted to be unstoppable.  It was clear to me early on that people could hire or not hire me, teach me or refuse to teach me, give me authority or not give me authority.  So I got really good at figuring how to go down different paths to get to where I wanted to go.

The key was knowing where that was for myself, not just identifying an external goal that was attached to what someone else “owned” or owned the right to control.  That meant listening to my internal voice, not the cacophony of people around me, the media, and the visible trappings of “success.”  It also meant being able to stay true to myself, and navigate myself ahead, on my own terms, and still function in society and earn a living.  And maybe most important, it meant finding the contributions I could make to the world. 

That’s why I developed Want-ology®.  It’s my way of boiling down all of those issues, to share with you how to see–deeply–what you really want.  And how to chart your course to getting it.  

There’s a real role for having a “goal” or identifying a “want.”  But it’s usually not the goal or the “want” that’s the point. It’s what’s behind it.

The old Chinese proverb, “Be very careful what you ask for, for you shall surely have it” points to what I consider is the Universe and its strange sense of humor.  So you can have a goal, like get a college degree, or get a job at X company.  Or you can have a “want” like “I want to get married”, “I want more money”, “I want a better job.”  And you may get it.  And it may be fine. Or it may turn out to be disappointing, awful, NOT be anything like you expected, hoped for, or desired. 

Or you may try and try again to get it, and fail, or ultimately become convinced you can never have what you want. People spend years beating up on themselves and thinking they never tried hard enough, whether that’s true or not.  Not a good way to spend what may be the only time you have on the planet.

Your goal, or the “want” that you are asking for is, however, a great jumping off point, and that’s where we start.  So if you bring yourself to Want-ology®, bring your goals. Bring your “wants.”  You may get them. There’s a good chance that, after Want-ology®,  they will be much more like what you had in mind.

But it’s just as likely that you’ll wind up with a path that leads to something much, much better.  

And you’ll walk away knowing you can make that happen again and again, and you’ll have the tools to do it.

 

 

 

Want-ology®…and the press

I have my husband to thank (or blame) for the press we’ve gotten this past year.  He, after all, came up with the name Want-ology®.  He is terrific at cutting to the chase and finding really catchy names. I was calling it something stupid and un-marketable like “problem framing”…:-)  

It’s always fascinating the way these things happen.  Now that I am again successfully teaching coaches and other “helping professionals” the process to use with their clients, I’m paying much more attention to how Want-ology® is presented in the press and online.  Hence, the blog. 

Want-ology® is “the study of what you really want.”  Emphasis on “really.”  It’s a way of focusing your attention in a different way, and getting un-stuck.  It’s about making a shift in how you understand things and what possibilities you see as openings for you.  It’s about reflecting in a way that gets you in touch with the real foundations of what you want…not the particular solution you’ve come up with.  It is also designed to “untangle the knot” you are probably in if you’re trying to work out your problem or plan your course the way we usually work things out for ourselves.

What it is not is a cheerleading, motivational rah-rah you-can-do-it.  It’s not “positive thinking.”  It’s not “Just be happy” and it’s not “affirmations.” All of these things have their place (maybe), but too often I see them as a way of avoiding reality, trying to ignore the way things are. They are also great for driving guilt and denial.  Not my cup of tea.

It’s also not a way of just “living with things the way they are and getting used to it.” 

Sorry, had to get that off my chest. 🙂

It won’t cure cancer, make the sun revolve around the earth nor is it a promise that you will find true love. So what will it do?

At its core, Want-ology® will help you access your real desires, what you really want to experience.  It will help you focus on what really matters.  It’s a pretty reliable process (technically, a meta-process), for people who want to engage.

When you do engage, you shift the way you see the world, yourself, and your possibilities.  Also, it’s my observation that most of my clients start to get opportunities that they didn’t know existed, or that suddenly appear “out of nowhere.”  Whether that is a function of “Chance favors the mind prepared” or the Universe finally hearing clarity from you, and sending you new options depends on how metaphysically you prefer to see things.  But it seems to happen a lot.

So, full disclosure–I don’t know what you really want.  I’m usually wrong when I try to guess, based on our initial conversation.  So I don’t try.    And if two people come in with exactly the same “initial statement of want” (I want a new job, I want more money, I want a bigger house…), they usually end up with entirely different wants from each other by the end of the sessions. That’s because underneath, they are unique. They have different needs, concerns, desires, and visions that drive them. Perfect!

What I want is to make life work better for the people I work with.  I want the “Aha” to happen that changes everything. More than one “Aha” actually.  I want a better future for you, and a better present. 

I also have (full disclosure) a short attention span.  Want-ology® can help get you focused for a longer coaching engagement, but I focus on getting you unstuck…Some of the coaches I’ve trained can do both.  

I’ll be posting from time to time about Want-ology®, commenting on things in the press, inviting your questions and comments, and inviting some of my Want-ology®-certified coaches and clients to add their voices as well. 

I’m looking forward to getting to know you all, and helping you get to know Want-ology®.

All the best, 

Kevin